Hey Friends (and by friends, I mean 5 people who randomly read my blog),

New posts on this site are going to be shut down. I will still occasionally post super-personal stuff to this blog, but outside of that, The Earth at Large will be on indefinite hiatus.

However, you can still check my writing out at http://underratedswayze.wordpress.com/. This new site/blog is a joint endeavor that I have undertaken with a couple of old Sentinel pals, Debbie Bitzan and Dan McKeever, that is focused on pop culture, free markets, reasoned thought, and propaganda encouraging Chipotle to add a ranch sauce (It can be southwestern Ranch or Chipotle Ranch, I don’t give a shit Mexico. Just give me some fucking Ranch!). This new joint venture is called:

Operation Red Dawn (like the Patrick Swazye movie? You get it? Of course you do. All my readers are geniuses. Except you, Don. You’re a goddamn idiot. Get off of my site. )

According to ORD’s about section:

Operation Red Dawn is three college newspaper alums, complete with narcissism and neuroses, practicing their writing skills and incestuously patting each other on the back. We like many things including good music and sound arguments, but mostly we just really like ourselves. This is probably because, unlike most mortals, we are perfect.

Debbie and Dan are both really cool cats and really good writers so I encourage you to check out the new site. I have 3 posts currently in the works and I’m sure the double Ds have some stuff brewing as well (Deb already posted one! Hooray!).

So, dear reader, if this is the end, I thank you for your time and for your support. Your feedback and readership have been more than I could ever ask for and more than I ever deserved.

Take care - have a safe, prosperous, and fulfilling journey.

But, I hope that you will follow me over to Operation Red Dawn, it i going to be a really good time over there. And I promise you, you will be happy that you came.

Sincerely,

Kevin

For generations older members of American society have bemoaned the quality of their younger citizens.  The older folks belittle the work ethic of the young, romanticize their generation’s era and experiences, and “know good music when they hear it and that hippity hop is not good music”.  History has shown that the older generation’s perception of the young is a skewed one.  This perception is constantly perpetuated by older generations because, in part, popular culture and social norms are constantly evolving.  Life is a never ending rat race to success, but how society defines success changes indefinitely.  As do society’s definitions of career, social norms, and significant life accomplishments.  However, our personal definitions of career, social norms, and success usually do not.  These aspects of life are defined when people are young, and unless a person makes a consciousness decision to evolve with society, they are likely to lean on whatever they learned as a kid.  Consequently, it is understandable that a man who spent his entire life working in a steel mill, an unarguably hard job, finds the trials and tribulations of his grandson, the accountant, rather pathetic.  However, just because Grandpa’s job was harder doesn’t mean that the accountant isn’t working hard - he’s just working differently.  

Gen Y (and to a lesser, not as developed extent Gen Z) is no different.  The Baby Boomers perception of us is not kind: lazy, self-involved, narcissistic, inconsiderate, disrespectful, ungrateful, poor to no work ethic, fat (thanks a lot type-2 Diabetes fat kids), crass, crude, entitled, un-self-effacing, soft, and a myriad of other adjectives that basically imply that Gen Y sucks.  Most of these adjectives have been leveled at young people before, with two glaring exceptions: the fat one, which is distinctly ours (and every other American generation to follow) and narcissistic.  The narcissism is so prevalent, psychologist Jean Twenge co-authored two books about Gen Y and Z - “Generation Me” and “The Narcissistic Epidemic”.   

However, even with the disadvantageous distinction of being fat narcissists, Gen Y has many built-in advantages over past generations: more educated, wealthier and better suited to handle wealth, technology that connects us to all corners of the world, easily accessible information, a society becoming more globalized each passing day, and a culture that strives to respect all varieties of people.  Yet even with all these advantages, Gen Y continues to be defined by their selfish lifestyles.  Lifestyles where the only concern is the individual.  Lifestyles where individuals make decisions based solely on their pleasures and wants with no awareness or blatant disregard as to how it affects those around them.   

To be fair, it’s not all Gen Y’s fault.  There is plenty of blame to be laid at the feet of the adults that were part of (or not) their lives as youngsters, and there were also several environmental circumstances that helped define Gen Y too.  They were born into an era where educators were more concerned about self-esteem than educating.  An era which rewarded effort and trying instead of success, and convinced Gen Y kids that they were great for just being themselves.  They were born into an era of unprecedented economic prosperity and safety.  Even the devastation of September 11th, as terrible and horrible and frightening as it was, was only a momentary threat.  Within months, the story was old news, our leaders assured us that we were safe, and Gen Y returned to their safe, sheltered, narcissistic existence.  However, the event still left an indelible mark.  Gen Y got to see a crystal clear example of how to exploit a tragedy for personal gain, as every politician used 9/11 as a means to gain political clout.  It wasn’t Gen Y’s fault that they were born into the most economically prosperous period in U.S. history.  Or that they had parents who would rather buy their friendship instead of parenting.  Or that when things got tough, there was easy credit to help satiate Gen Y’s wants. 

None of these environmental factors were Gen Y’s fault.    

However, Gen Y has taken the crux of every previous generation (60s/70s - free love, rec drug use; 80s - wild yuppie excess; 90s - apathy), thrown them together, and pushed them to their logical, disgusting extremes.  Gen Y has become a generation of rich, reckless, apathetic, lazy, fat, and narcissistic hedonists driven by distorted personal perceptions.  So it should come as no surprise to anyone that Gen Y’s biggest and most talented star, LeBron James, could go on national television, with no awareness (or complete disregard) as to what the consequences of his actions would be, and rip out the collective heart of Cleveland.  And thus provide the most damning evidence ever against Generation Y.

James had every right to leave Cleveland, just as anyone else has a right to leave home and pursue better career opportunities elsewhere.  Hell, I suspect that most Cleveland fans eventually would have forgiven him; they saw the mediocre talent he played with and the constant mismanagement by Cleveland’s front office.  James’s actions became unforgivable when he made a spectacle of Cleveland’s heartbreak and suffering.  When he never thanked the fans for their support or apologized to them for falling short of his goal (bring a championship to Cleveland).  When he did speak about the fans and acted as if they owed him the thanks, that they should be grateful for everything he did for them.  “The Decision” was the meanest, cruelest thing an athlete has ever done to a sports city.  Yet, I suspect that James didn’t do it to be mean or cruel.  I doubt he even realized how it could be perceived as cruel.  He held “The Decision” because he wanted the free agency attention focused on him, he wanted to show how important he was, and he wanted to show the world that he was bigger than the game.  In the process, for older generations, he became the symbol for everything that’s wrong with Gen Y.  For Gen Y and Gen Z and every generation to follow, he became their precedent. 

With his decision, James fulfilled every stereotype of Gen Y: 

-He wants success but isn’t willing to work hard to overcome a challenge/obstacle.  It was going to be harder to win in Cleveland, the team was mediocre and they were capped out for the next two years, but instead of welcoming the challenge, he ran away.  He ran away to the place where he wouldn’t have to work as hard to find success.  The most physically gifted basketball player in the world (maybe ever) ran away from a challenge because it was too hard.  He chose easy.  I’ve seen it described as cowardly, rationale, smart, cop-out, whatever.  If anything, it was typical Gen Y. 

-Further cementing his Gen Y legacy is the recently revealed information that Dan Gilbert bent over backwards to make James happy.  Gilbert hired James associates for positions within the organization that they weren’t qualified for, put his old high school teammates on the summer league team even though they hadn’t the talent to be there, built the Cavs training facility down the street from James’s house, and paid some of these associates more than his assistant coaches.  One of the biggest things that caught James’s attention in Miami?  Pat Riley and Miami were willing to continue making these types of accommodations. 

-A decision that was already going to be painful for legions of fans was exacerbated by his hour long, ego assuaging, piece of narcissistic trash “The Decision”.  Not only did this program humiliate an entire city, it infuriated five others while also turning most of the general public against him.  All because this was his summer and he wanted the world to remember that. 

- He held an hour long special about where he’s playing basketball next year.  Playing basketball.  Even the most fanatic of sports fans know that in the big scheme of things, sports aren’t all that important.  They are a distraction, an escape from the harsh realities of life, an emotional release for lots of us.  They aren’t important.  One basketball player (albeit a terrific one) choosing a basketball team to play for next season is not a major event.  James and the people who orchestrated this special treated it with the importance of a presidential address.  It’s both embarrassing and insulting that he can so misconstrue his importance in the general flow of life.

And ultimately, his choice of Miami shouldn’t have surprised anyone.  He went to a place where he could do what he wanted, hang out with his buddies, be treated like a king (ironically enough), and find success without working too too hard.  If you know anything about Gen Y, there was no other choice.  But, James did not get here alone (though, I suspect he would think otherwise).

“The Decision” illustrated, quite vividly, how society let Gen Y get to this place.  Gen Y would not be anything without their enablers.  Enablers can be anyone - parents, teachers, friends, coaches, etc.  Usually, in this context, they are adults who allow kids to act like idiots, never correcting them, and allowing them to grow up to be adult idiots.  In the James case, there is an entire litany of enablers: Gloria James, his absent father, his teachers and coaches during his youth, Dan Gilbert, Mickey Arison, Pat Riley, the fans, sportswriters, anyone who met with LeBron’s idiot “team”, David Stern for letting “The Decision” happen, and most shamefully ESPN. 

ESPN has been a sham of a sports news network for some time, but this debacle was pathetic, even for them.  They allowed James to murder his public persona, to humiliate a beat and downtrodden city, and to solidify Gen Y as the most inconsiderate, selfish generation ever.  They knew damn well how “The Decision” was going to play out, but they wanted to be part of the story. So they went for the money, the eyeballs, the attention, and the buzz.  And this, now laid bare by a typical Gen Y kid and the enabling Baby Boomers, is how we got here.  

The most disappointing aspect of this entire sordid affair is not that James turned his back on his hometown, ESPN giving away its last shred of integrity, or even the blatant narcissism and commercialism of the entire endeavor.  No, the most disappointing aspect of this is that eight million people watched “The Decision”.  Many of those eight million were probably young kids from Gen Y and Gen Z.  Kids whose parents probably missed an opportunity to use this as a teaching moment.  Kids who are probably just beginning to shape their definitions of success, social norms, and career.  Kids who saw this event and registered it as an appropriate way to act, an appropriate way to get what they want.  James has taken a lot of backlash for “The Decision”, but in just a few days, much of the criticism has subsided.  As a reaction to the backlash, many writers have begun to defend his actions.  James has signed a hundred and ten million dollar contract  and was showered with adulation when introduced to Miami fans at American Airlines Area.  An entire generation of kids saw one of the most talented people of their generation act deplorably on national television and then get rewarded handsomely for it.  I suspect a precedent has been set.

Each generation has a few defining moments, characters, and events.  Watergate.  Woodstock.  The Beatles.  Patrick Bateman.  AIDS.  Kurt Cobain.  Grunge.  Dial-up internet. WWII.  The Moon Landing.  Things that when mentioned, a person immediately relates it to that generation.  Things that define what a generation was about.  As a member of Generation Y, I worry that “The Decision”, James, and this entire free agent summer will be one of my generation’s defining moments.  That this will be remembered as the moment that every negative perception of Gen Y came to fruition; and I suspect, the moment when history could no longer disprove the negative perceptions held by our curmudgeonly older generations.

In case you have been living under a rock for the last two weeks, Chris Klein’s audition for Mamma Mia! has turned up on the internet, and it became super popular in like a week.

And the big joke to all the internet/Soup/pop culture writers was that the audition is terrible. Look, there’s no arguing that fact, it was horrendous on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin. It was pathetic from a singing standpoint, an acting standpoint, and a normal human being interacting with other human beings standpoint.

BUT, it was an audition. It’s not like the producers said, “Hey, let’s pay that goofy looking guy from American Pie some money to come in an audition.”

“Wait, they would’ve paid me for that?”

Chris Klein didn’t steal any money from anyone. He auditioned. Poorly. I suspect that most actors have had auditions where they are glad that only a couple of people were watching. I know I have.

And considering how big a train wreck the male leads in Mamma Mia! were, I’d say Chris Klein’s audition video was the least offensive thing to come out of that whole production.

So, sure, Chris Klein’s audition sucked. But he went for broke and he came up way way way way way way way way way way way way way short. In a sad, perverse way, I kind of respect him for it.

Now, if you really want to rip on his suckitude, check out his follow up parody where he fails even more miserably trying to get intentional laughs at his expense.

This is an article that I wrote for The Sentinel. I’m not sure if they’ll run it or not, but I’ve really grown to like writing about television, so I thought I would share it here as well.

Also, two blog posts in one week? WTF? Am I right?

It’s that time of year again, the network television stations have announced their fall lineups, and as always, people are a-buzz (1). They’re gabbing about what new shows were picked up, what shows were canceled, who gave Chlamydia to Stacy down in accounting (2), and which former movie stars are trying to revitalize their careers on the small screen.

Capitalizing on all of the network television buzz, dozens of critics and pop culture writers have shared their thoughts about what show is likely to be successful, what the fall lineup means for the networks, and how they, the critic, are too good to watch network TV and will likely get rid of their TV after HBO and FX finish their summer seasons.

                     I only watch “The Wire.” AND I read. 

Not to be caught with my pants down (3) and definitely not too good for TV, I’ve composed a list of network TV show predictions as well, but with a perverse twist (4). Using the age old road trip game of “Marry, Make Love to, Kill,” Ipredict which show will have a full run (marry), which current hot show will likely flameout (make love to), and which show needs put out of its misery right this very second (kill)…Now, goddamn it! Kill it!

Kill – The Office

When The Office debuted in 2005, it was fresh, smart, super funny, and a perfect extension of the ensemble comedy that worked so well previously on NBC (Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends). Granted, it was also an exact replica of the BBC series created and starring Rickey Gervais, but the first two seasons of the American Office were brilliant. Initially, the show struggled commercially, but NBC showed patience and the show’s future success paved the way for other high quality shows (30 Rock, Chuck) to grow into their audience as well.  

However, since the end of season three, the show has declined rapidly. The decline produced concerns in season four, serious flaws in season five, and downright wretchedness in season six. Like a decrepit Willie Mayes or a hobbling Joe Namath, The Office was once great, but continues to keep playing even though its best days are behind them.

      And you thought the Suzy Kolber thing was embarrassing.

The reasons for cancellation are many, but three quick big ones:

1.  From the beginning, Michael Scott was not David Brent. Unlike his British counterpart, Michael Scott wasn’t an asshole. His buffoonish behavior led to some asshole moments, but he always meant well and there were always moments of redemption. Those moments are no more. He has transformed into a less funny David Brent.  TV hasn’t seen a character this dumbed down since Joey Tribiani’s dumbed down un-evolution. And because Steve Carell is the biggest name actor in the show, most of the storylines revolve around Michael and his antics. If the writers can’t find a way to salvage Michael Scott, this is reason enough to cancel the show.

                   Not the same person.

2. The Jim/Pam, “will they or won’t they?” tension is gone.  Even as Steve Carell became a huge star and Rainn Wilson’s Dwight became a cult favorite, John Krasinski’s Jim and Jenna Fischer’s Pam were/are the heart and soul of the show. The show goes as they go. Getting married and having a kid, while great in real life (5), just isn’t that interesting on a television show.

                               Good.

 

                                           Not so much.

The writers tried to recreate that chemistry and tension with Ed Helms’s Andy and Ellie Kemper’s Erin and it just didn’t work. The characters are both super weird and it led to an awkwardness that was neither funny or kooky - it was just awkwardly weird (6).

Andy: “Do you think this is unbearable to watch?”

Erin: “Oh yeah”

3. The show stopped being about the ensemble. All the story lines revolve around Michael, Jim and Pam and their baby, Dwight and his shenanigans, and Andy. The show was at its best when the rest of the very talented cast was in on the jokes too. 

I’m sure NBC will milk The Office, one of its few bright spots, until it becomes so insufferable that they finally have to end it (see Frasier). But it deserves to be put down right now.

Make Love To – Glee

Glee is the most frustrating show on television (if this brief rant isn’t enough for anti-gleeks, check out my previous post about Glee). It’s got a lot going for it: catchy pop songs as show tunes, a super talented cast, Jane Lynch, tons of good will from fans and critics, and the structure that permits the silliness of having characters break into song.

However, for some reason, either the show’s semi-novel concept or somehow tapping into the cultural zeitgeist, the show’s major warts are overlooked. The long and the short of those warts is this: there are no set rules in the universe of Glee. Everything, and I mean everything, changes from week to week. The characters act irrationally and inconsistently from episode to episode. The show takes itself too seriously one week and then not seriously at all the next.  Yet somehow, the writing is still predictable and stale.

It’s all very similar to the super hot homecoming queen coming home from college for the first time. She went to college super hot, but then she got there and drank too much, didn’t exercise, basically became lazy as hell, and then came home fifty pounds heavier. Now fifty pounds overweight, even the dorkiest kids from her class wouldn’t get on her.

      First week of college! Yeah! Soon to be “Glee” personified.

Glee is that homecoming queen. Sure she’s super hot now and everyone loves her, but you better get your time in now before she comes back fifty pounds overweight with higher than average odds that she’s got the clap.

Marry – Community

This was a close race between Community and Parks and Recreations. I ultimately went with Community because the people who run Parks and Recreations are the same folks who once ran The Office. If Greg Daniels decides to create another show, and he leaves Parks and Recreations, I can see the show taking a disastrous Office like turn.

                “That’s terrible.”

But, the biggest reason Community is going to succeed and have a full run? Great writing. Then great acting. Then great directing.

But it all goes back to the writing. Even with two legitimate superstar comedians, Joel McHale and Chevy Chase, the show always involves the entire cast. The writers make sure that the B and C storylines are interesting, legitimate plot points to the overall arc of the episode (7), funny, and that they somehow fit with the A storyline. No episode craps out because the story is driven by the ensemble. If one of the characters story arc isn’t working, there are six other characters to pick up the slack.

“Did you guys hear? Some random blogger wants to marry us! Hooray!

Will things turn out the way I predicted them? Probably not. NBC and Fox will milk The Office and Glee for all they’re worth (and people will hop on the bandwagon because it is cool to do so) (8), so they’ll likely be on for at least the next four to five seasons. Community will probably get canceled mid-season next year and replaced by The Biggest Loser Who Can Also Do Something Really Obscure Strangely Well…Hosted by Jay Leno (9).

                             Season 6 finale.

But, there’s still time. Do your part. Don’t fuck the Homecoming Queen (10). Marry your true love - it’s for the best. 

Footnotes

(1) The bees, busy inseminating flowers, are also a-buzz. For what I imagine is a much different reason. Maybe something biological?

(2) Don’t think we’ve missed you scratching yourself all week, Bob. Ick!

(3) Unless it’s an awesome party.

(4) Or immature. Either or.

(5) Unless of course you’re Hitler’s (11) parents. That probably wasn’t too great for them.

(6) Let’s just say the Andy/Erin experiment was an epic disaster and never talk about it again. Deal? Deal.

(7) It blows my mind how many shows use their B and C story lines for one gag and or one little bit. It’s almost like it’s a throw away line but for an entire section of the show. Lazy.

(8) Thanks a lot, you come to the party late douchers.

(9) I guarantee that this would be a successful show. Sigh.

(10) Unless it’s a quickie.

(11) I’ve been listening to a lot of comedy CDs recently and there’s just been a ton of Hitler jokes. Maybe that’s why I told that joke. Boo me. Really lazy.

Awesome band names. Go!

We Were Promised Jetpacks

Dinowalrus

Fight Like Apes

Electric Tickle Machine

Japandroids.

See that comedy fans? That’s called a callback. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the FAQ post.

*I know that I promised a follow up to my first post about “Game Change,” but I’d like to skim through it again before I expound on my thoughts about McCain and Palin (1). For now, you are stuck with diatribes about the ridiculousness of Glee  and the Brad Pitt Derivative Theory (coming soon). On to today’s post.*

Look, I want to be a Gleek - I love musicals, Glee’s cast is super talented, I worship at the comedy alter of Jane Lynch.

                                           I wish it were true.

However, I am also a writer; I enjoy plot, character development, story arc, logical motivations for action, and a conflict that is interesting and engaging. I will also add one specific thing I want from my stories as well: realism.

I suspect that last point will draw the ire of Gleeks reading this post (2). They’ll probably suggest I need to “suspend my disbelief.” However, my disbelief is suspended. I know the show is a musical drama-comedy, I take no issue with that. I am on board with the in-show musical numbers, the unrealistic production values of their Glee performances (3), hell, I’m even on board with a kid in a wheel chair doing choreographed dances. 

                            WTF?

I mean, I watched 24 for six seasons! (4) A show where several nuclear bombs went off in multiple different US cities, the government was completely and thoroughly helpless, inept, and corrupt (every single season); and our governing agencies were filled with so many secret moles/spies/traitors that it would be impossible for the country to even operate. AND YET; SOMEHOW, ONE CAREER BUREAUCRAT WHO YELLS ALL THE TIME SAVES THE DAY EVERY SINGLE TIME!

                         “Read the blog! READ THE BLOG!”

I have no issues suspending my disbelief.

But there are some story lines and plot points (5) in Glee that are too egregious (to me) to ignore any longer.

1. Any and all pregnancy story lines.

I could write an entire 5,000 word essay about how this story line damn near derailed the entire show. Since the writers seemed to have come to their senses and ended it, I will quickly address this embarrassment in some bullet points.

-No one in high school would fall for Quinn’s pregnancy story (6). I’m not sure a group of seventh graders would.

-In the same vein, how dense is Will Shuester? Is he that busy with Glee club that  he isn’t even a little bit aware how strange Terri’s pregnancy is going?

 ”Terri, you’re still stick thin. Weird.”

-Speaking of Terri, let’s bang these out real quick: decides to fake a pregnancy after discovering her pregnancy was a hysterical one (7), convinces Quinn that they can do a secret adoption (8),  blackmails the gynecologist into lying to Will,  becomes the nurse of the school with absolutely no qualifications or medical experience, provides the glee club members over the counter speed, AND THEN, once Will discovers all this bullshit, she claims it was all for love.

Terri Shuester was/is one of the most ridiculous characters in the history of television. The sooner she is written off the show completely, the better.

-The secret of Puck and Quinn’s drunken sexual romp would last less than a week in any real high school.

-And finally, now that they have aborted (9) that God-awful fake adoption story line, they’ve just stopped addressing Quinn’s pregnancy all together. In the two shows since Glee’s return, Quinn has lost most of her baby bump and they’ve told one pregnancy related fat joke. What?

If they could re-do this piss poor story arc, I suspect they would.

2. Emma Pillsbury - High School Guidance Counselor. LULZ.

I know everyone has had experiences with bad guidance counselors, but how can we take Emma Pillsbury seriously? She is in a constant state of social discomfort (10), she doesn’t seem to know much about how high school works, she offers little professional insight that would make one believe she is actually a guidance counselor, and little in the way of any personal redeemable qualities.

All we get to see is a social derelict who can barely interact with the human race, yet alone young people with serious problems.

She reminds me of a nerdy girl (or guy) who has a crush on the most popular boy (girl) in school and when the popular student shows some interest in the nerdy one and the rest of the student population finally acknowledges the nerd, the nerd doesn’t know how to react. 

I realize that she is supposed to be off-beat, quirky, cute, and charming, but she just comes across pathetic and ridiculous.

          “Boys have a penis? And girls have a vagina? What?”

3. If Finn was an actual D1 football scholarship candidate, his football team wouldn’t be as miserable as they are.

Have you ever watched a legitimate Division 1 football prospect play high school football? They dominate games. They win games by themselves. They don’t play on teams that struggle to win one game.

        Believable fake Division 1 football player

4. The story arc “If we don’t win (insert competition), Glee club’s over” has plateaued.

It was a good stating point for the show - win sectionals or Glee club is disbanded. Throw a bunch of people together, new coach, discover each character and their talents, etc. But now that they’ve reached that goal, and we know that their team is super talented, let’s raise the stakes.

I don’t know what the story arc should be, but if you are recycling story arcs/plot points half way through season 1, you’re either lazy or the show doesn’t have much of a shelf life.

And if you’re writing is lazy, you’re not going to have much of a shelf life anyway. So I guess it’s basically the same thing.

                          Right, Prison Break?

5. Jesse St. James transfers in the middle of the school year for love

I know that it is the high school kids and their high school issues that drive Glee, and most of the adults are supposed to be buffoons, but come on. What parent is going to let their child transfer to a different high school in the middle of their senior year to be with their girlfriend?

The answer? No parent would do that. He doesn’t even have a believable lie he could tell his parents.

“Oh, hey mom and dad. I was thinking, I’d really like to transfer schools. Why? Because this new glee club at William McKinley, with its hodgepodge cast of misfits, could really bring the best out of me. Yeah, I know, Vocal Adrenaline has won three straight national titles, but New Directions just won sectionals. Well, sure, there were only three teams there and one of the teams consisted solely of deaf kids, but, you know, I definitely think this will be for the best.”

                “Don’t blame me for my terrible story line.”

6. Lea Michele’s Rachel character is way, way, way too attractive to be as unpopular as she is.

I’ve had this argument several times and this is what inspired the entire post.

Lea Michele is gorgeous. 10. Absolute knockout. There is no debate. She is stunning and would probably be the most attractive girl in most high schools.

                                    FACT.

Now, accepting the fact that most of Glee’s cast has not been Hollywood-ized (12), it is only fair to reason that no girl as attractive as Lea Michele would be unpopular in any high school in America.

I don’t care that she is annoying, needy, obnoxious, arrogant and delusional. She would get away with every single one of those negative attributes in any high school anywhere because of how she looks. 

Fairly or unfairly, for some reason, people (and especially high school kids) will allow really attractive people to get away with really boorish behavior. That doesn’t mean all attractive people act like jerks. I know many really attractive people who are terrific people with lovely personalities. However, those that act most dick-ish in society tend to be the best looking.

However, some will argue that Rachel is unpopular not only because of her personality, but also because of her extra-curricular activities (13). BUT AGAIN, she is the most attractive girl in their school AND she is super talented. Every guy involved in the popular extra-curricular activities would be falling over themselves trying to date the super hot/talented girl.

               That IS the plot of She’s all that. It’s also true.

Ergo, if the presumed cool kids are interested in Rachel Berry, Rachel Berry becomes cool.

END ARGUMENT

Now, Glee has plenty of other issues too: stale jokes from Sue, Will Shuester pseudo-shrink, letting the music drive the plot instead of plot driving the music, Terri Shuester still being in the show, taking itself too seriously, losing a lot of the wink at the audience satire that initially made it great, etc.

But, I believe Glee has had some really brilliant moments too: Kurt coming out to his dad, Finn revealing Quinn’s pregnancy to her parents, their opening number at sectionals, “Don’t Stop Believin,” “Someone to Love,” “Can’t Always Get What You Want”; and some really great things coming up: Neil Patrick Harris/Joss Wheadon, Molly Shannon, a Lady Gaga episode.

    Don’t mind us. Just working on a bitchin’ Glee episode.

I’m not quite ready to quit on Glee yet, but if their story telling doesn’t become more focused and less ridiculous, I might just have to bail out.

Footnotes:

(1) I’d really like to treat all the characters of “Game Change” objectively. If I don’t re-read some parts of the book, I’ll just end up ripping Palin and McCain more than they deserve.

(2) And by Gleeks I mean the three people reading this who vaguely know what I’m talking about.

(3) Hello Vocal Adrenaline’s AC/DC “Highway to Hell” performance with fire pyrotechnics.

(4) I hate using exclamation points. Whenever I read them, I think “Why are you shouting?” I hope this illustrates how annoying I find this argument.

(5) I’ll try to stick to the big ones.

(6) I forget what said story was, but I remember vividly being appalled by the audacity of the writers trying to stretch the “suspend your disbelief” trope with story.

(7) Unfortunately can’t say the same thing about this particular story line.

(8) I mean seriously, how could any adult think that this could possibly work? Quinn Fabrey, head cheerleader and one of the most popular girls in school, gets pregnant,  decides to not abort the kid, has it, and then the kid magically disappears? On top of all that, how was Terri going to fake the actual child birth of her fake child? Like, what the fuck? The writers should be ashamed that they even tried to pass this off as a legitimate story line.

(9) Whoa! Crude pun intended.

(10) Most especially when she speaks with anyone about relationships. I know that’s not necessarily in a guidance counselor’s job description, but high school student dump relationship shit in their laps all the time. You’re telling me that she hasn’t found some level of comfort when discussing it with students?

(11) There are some good looking actors in the cast of Glee, but there are also quite a few regular players whom you probably wouldn’t categorize as gorgeous or Hollywood beautiful.  I’d even suggest some are rather goofy looking.

(12) I don’t necessarily agree with the social hierarchy (Jocks at top—> glee members at bottom) presented in Glee. However, I suspect that many high schools are similar to this (mine was) and the forthcoming argument is based on the assumption provided by Glee and what I watched transpire when I was in high school.

*Coming soon: Brad Pitt Derivative Theory, South Park and free speech, and the second part of “Game Change” shockers.*

I just recently finished the book “Game Change” by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, which chronicled and detailed the 2008 Presidential Election. As an avid (0) fan of politics, I found “Game Change” to be one of the most fascinating behind-the-scenes books I’ve ever read (1).

Within the first few chapters, I realized that the 2008 election may have been one of the most interesting, exciting, and historic elections in the history of this country (2). The election was ripe with fascinating characters (the Obamas, the Clintons, Sarah Palin, John McCain, John Edwards, Joe Biden), historic consequences (first female/black president potentially, McCain’s monumental comeback in the Republican primaries, the Obama campaign’s use of the internet), and really intriguing story lines (woman/black president, Bush/Republican exhaustion, the meteoric rise of Sarah Palin, and much more.)

As I was reading the book, I decided to jot down some notes and share what I found most interesting on my blog. Aren’t you the luckiest five people on the internet?

First, full disclosure: My politics, if I had to define them, tend to strongly resemble those of the Libertarian party(3). However, I am very open to most political thought, I don’t read nearly enough to have any super strong opinions about anything, and I haven’t voted since 2004. I only share this information because I want to acknowledge my personal bias that may influence what I find most interesting, and to reassure you that my like or dislike for most of the players in the 2008 election are merely superficial (4).

*Quick Note: There is no secret agenda of putting the Dem stuff first and then the Republicans or vice versa. My notes/thoughts follow the time line of the book.*

Hilary Clinton is human.

I have never liked Hilary Clinton. I found her to be phony, cynically opportunistic (think the Lewinsky scandal), robotic, disingenuous, and a little too conniving for my tastes (5). However, the book delves a lot into who she is as a person, mother, and wife. This insight led me to perceive her as not just a shark-ish politician - it helped humanized her for me. My respect for her started to grow as she fought through countless campaign adversities (created by her own team, her husband, and Obama’s well oiled political machine), refused to quit the primary until the bitter end, and her selfless decision to swallow her pride and serve as Secretary of State in Obama’s cabinet.

Two years after the election, I realized why she has such a devoted based and I found myself rooting for her. My perception of her was completely changed and I will laugh a little softer next time Jon Stewart goes to town on her.

Barack Obama’s Confidence

From the moment he decided to run, Obama stated (privately) that he would win the Democratic nomination. I realize that to reach the level of national politics you have to have a lot of confidence, but, damn. I mean, he had only been working in the Senate for a little over two years, he hadn’t been the chief architect of any major legislation, he had to break down hundreds of years of prejudice, bigotry, and racism AND he was going up against the contemporary royal family of the Democratic Party. To face those kind of odds and to have that type of confidence is really impressive.

The Clintons go Negative

One of the most delightful parts of the book for me was when the Clintons decided to start a negative ad campaign against Obama. I didn’t find it delightful because I dislike Obama, but because I had written a satirical article about the Clintons that suggested they were dropping out of the race to compete for the WWE tag team championship. When I read the sections of the book dedicated to the Clintons/Clinton team shaping their negative ad campaign against Barack, I couldn’t help but think that this is what the WWE writers room must be like.

John Edwards = Delusional^100,000,000

This book did no favors to John Edwards. I would assume that anyone reading this knows that he cheated on his wife while she battled cancer, impregnated his mistress, denied it was his child, and then had it all blow up in his face. What was surprising, at least to me, was how oblivious he was to the sliminess of the entire situation. There was a point in the Democratic primaries, near the end and well after his pregnant mistress had been discovered, that he tried to leverage himself into a possible cabinet position. Preferably the Attorney General position. His entire life was coming down in flames and he thought if he endorsed Obama, Obama would reward him with the AG position. I can’t even put into words how perplexed I am by the audacity of this guy. Let’s just move on.

John Edwards = Big P.O.S.

I’d say the authors hammer home the last nail in Mr. Edwards’ proverbial political coffin.

Elizabeth Edwards is a Monster

Having seen Elizabeth Edwards on The Daily Show a few times, I assumed that she was a lovely, nice, and engaging human being. After having overcome cancer and waded through the muck that was the John Edwards saga, I believed her to be a strong and courageous woman.

And maybe she still is some of those things. But “Game Change” suggests that she is a pretty terrible human being and treats most other human beings she comes into contact with like crap. She is condescending, rude, paranoid, overly dramatic, and controlling to the point of absurdity.

Since her recovery from cancer and her perseverance through all of John’s scandals, she has played the role of sympathetic victim. It has fit her quite nicely. However, “Game Change” makes me wonder if she actually deserves that sympathy. Based on how she treats others, I would suggest that she doesn’t.

Bill Clinton - The Most Interesting Man Alive

I can’t even begin to do justice to how fascinating Bill Clinton is (6). Some quick-ish bullets:

-He is a master politician, as evidenced by many of his speeches during the campaign, but he seemed to have a really hard time understanding why Democrats weren’t rallying behind his wife. It’s as if this campaign was the first time he realized how divisive he and Hilary actually are.

-He hurt Hilary’s campaign as much as he helped it. Specifically in South Carolina where he came across as whiny, belligerent, and a little bit racist. Hilary was going to lose S.C. no matter what, but his campaigning there hurt her everywhere else. After the S.C. debacle, some on Hilary’s staff wondered if he was trying to cost her the candidacy.

-He seems to genuinely love and care for Hilary - it doesn’t seem like a marriage of opportunity as some would suggest. Yet he can’t seem to keep his dick to himself. For most of the campaign, Hilary’s team dreaded that someone would bring Bill’s personal life to attention. Which consisted of multiple rendezvouses with women who were not named Hilary Clinton.

I won’t pretend that I understand the type of temptation that Bill Clinton likely encounters every day, but I can’t imagine hurting someone you love and care for over and over again. Sad.

-It’s amazing how charming he is. Even when reading about him (7), you can’t help but enjoy him.

Needless to say, I could read about Bill Clinton all day long. 

George W. and Bill - Telephone Buds.

One of the most hilarious things that I discovered was how often George W. Bush and Bill Clinton spoke on the phone while Bush was president. Considering that there aren’t a ton of people who have been president, this shouldn’t be that surprising, except for the fact that W’s dad was president. Couldn’t W just call him? Or talk about stuff at Christmas? Or look at H.W.’s scrapbooks? It absolutely kills me that two of the most demonized politicians (8) in the history of American politics spoke regularly on the phone.

And their most funny conversation? After Bill’s debacle in South Carolina, Bush called Bill to let him know that Bush didn’t think he was a racist. LULZ.

*I originally planned for this to be one giant blog entry, but I lost the 1,500 words I composed this afternoon that was devoted to McCain, Palin, and the Republicans by accidentally hitting the internet back button. Because I don’t want to rush some really good stuff I had in there, this blog entry is now a two parter. Check back next week for my notes and thoughts on the Republicans and a nice little Jerry Springer type conclusion that ties it all together.*

Footnotes

(0) And by avid, I mean “follow passively.”

(1) And probably the only behind-the-scenes book I’ve ever read besides the SNL books.

(2) Right after James K. Polk vs. Henry Clay.

(3) I guess that’s what happens when you spend four years in college writing for a Libertarian leaning campus rag.

(4) Such as: John Edwards is a really big douche, Sarah Palin may be dumber than she seemed, and I think it’s adorable that an old person tried to do something besides be retired.

(5) Some would suggest I only feel this way because Hilary is female. I assure that is not the case. If there was a man who presented himself in a similar Hilary-esque manner, I would dislike him as well.

(6) Especially since I finished the book like two weeks ago. I don’t remember everything I found really interesting about him, but there was some really fascinating things. Boo me.

(7) Including the obnoxious parts.

(8) And by demonized, I mean by their opposing parties. Or in W’s case - everyone.

1. Who are you?

Great question, I’m glad you asked. If you are reading this, you probably already know me. If by some ridiculous improbability I have become internet famous and you don’t know me - my name is Kevin. I live in Columbus, Ohio. I am an insurance salesman, dream boat, actor, base jumper, bungee cord specialist, writer, rocket scientist, smart ass, brain surgeon, archeological action hero, and all around great guy.

We should be friends. If not in real life, at least on the internet.

If you want to know more about me, check out my forthcoming “About Me” post.
2. Why are YOU writing a blog?

a. I like to hear myself talk.

b. For some reason, I have convinced myself that I have important (re: mundane) thoughts to share with the world.

c. As I grow older I find the world and the people whom inhibit it more and more peculiar.

d. Did I mention I think my thoughts are important and I like to hear myself speak?

3. Did you rip your blog title off of the Modest Mouse song ‘The World at Large?’

I absolutely did. And I’m not sorry for it. Not even a little bit.

4. Why is your first post a Frequently Asked Question section?

Because everything needs a beginning. If I had just started a blog and my first post was “Two Coolest Band Names Today” and posted pictures of We Were Promised Jetpacks and Dinowalrus - you would be upset. You’d be upset because there hadn’t been an established aesthetic for the blog - I would have just jumped into it and it would have been alarming for everyone. You probably would have flipped out. You’d be like “Hey! Who does this dude think he is? He just started a blog and he thinks he can post about whatever he wants without explaining himself as a writer/thinker? Like, I’m just going to get it or something? What the heck is that about? Doesn’t he know this is the internet and that the internet is serious business? Stupid noob. I can’t wait until he gets pwnd.”

The truth is, you never would have bought into the idea of Kevin as blogger if I don’t establish the tone of the blog right off the bat.

5. Are you this insufferable in person?

No. I’m much worse.

6. How often are you going to update the blog?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

7. Wait, you didn’t even answer my question…

They do and they generally wipe with their paws or eucalyptus leaves.

8. Are all the posts going to be this stupid and ridiculously unfunny?

It’s a strong possibility. But, I can assure you, there will be some posts that hold a little more weight and will bring a little more gravitas to the entire enterprise.

9. Did you just refer to your blog as an enterprise?

Indeed, I did.

10. (Hypothetical reader shakes head sadly)

Be sure to check back to this post occasionally as I will be adding real questions from readers (if by some spacial time continuum miracle I actually have readers) or other questions that I think potential hypothetical readers would have. Cheers.